Thinking aloud

What’s that again? I thought as I reread the passage.

The mission of the church is paramount, and what propels the mission forward is an awakened mind, a mind ablaze with God and the things of God. This is the heart of the Cultural commission within the Great Commission. The Great Commission calls us to reach out to every person with the Gospel of Jesus Christ; the Cultural Commission calls us to lay hold of every nook and cranny of the world for the kingdom of God. They are not separate endeavours – they are the two edges of the single sword we are to wield.” - James Emery White in A Mind for God.

Lay hold of every nook and cranny for the kingdom of God. Can it be? What was the Great Commission again? Turning to Matthew 28:19-20 in my NRSV bible, it reads:

Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything that I have commanded you. And remember, I am with you always, to the end of the age.”

I remembered that the first five words of the Great Commission if you look at the original language it would be better rendered as “As you go, make disciples…” It means then that making disciples is not an event or even a programme; rather it is part of your lifestyle – it should flow naturally from how you live and who you are. And the way you live, the way people live collectively is called the culture.

As we live our lives, as we go about our living, we are to make disciples. It then means that disciple-making should flow out naturally from the way we live. It means then that the things that comprise our lives – the way we behave and talk, the way we spend our time and resource, our world-view and deeply held values and beliefs must facilitate disciple-making. The transformation must originate from inside out.

At the heart of the Great Commission, there is implied a Cultural Commission – a mandate for us to redeem the culture for Christ. What does it mean then to redeem the culture for Christ? It means that in all areas of culture – in the creative arts, in science and technology, in education, in the industry etc, we are to live out our witness as Christians. It does not only mean that we have to “witness” and tell people about Jesus; rather it also mean that we put on the “mind of Christ” – we think Christianly and that we have the “aroma of Christ” – we behave like Christ. It means that as Christians we cannot huddle into the sub-culture and form holy cozy enclaves; we have to engage the world and be the salt the bible tells us to be.

Ollie

February 2007

God IS

Why?

Because I AM.

God’s Cause

Sovereign God,

Your cause, not my own, engages my heart,

And I appeal to you with greatest freedom

To set up your kingdom in every place where Satan reigns;

Glorify yourself and I shall rejoice,

For to bring honour to your name is my sole desire.

I adore you that you are God,

And long that others should know it, feel it,

And rejoice in it.

O that all men might love and praise you,

That you might have all glory from the intelligent world!

Let sinners be brought to you for your dear name!

To the eye of reason everything with regards to the conversion of others is as dark as midnight,

But you can accomplish great things;

The cause is yours,

And it is to your glory that men should be saved.

Lord, use me as you will,

do with me what you will;

but, O, promote your cause,

let your kingdom come,

let your blessed interest be advanced in this world!

O may you bring in great numbers to Jesus!

Let me see that glorious day,

And give me to reach for the multitudes of souls;

Let me be willing to die to that end;

And while I live, let me labour for you

To the utmost of my strength,

Spending time profitably in this work,

Both in health and in weakness.

It is your cause and kingdom I long for, not my own.

O, answer God my request!

From “The Valley of Vision – A collection of Puritan Prayers and Devotions”.

Who Feeds Us?

This article was written by Ngiam Xing Yi, a team member of the Grace Baptist Church YYA Missions 06 trip to Indonesia from 13 to 20 Dec 2006. Inspired by what he saw on his trip, he wrote a lucid and thought-provoking account reprinted below with his kind permission. Readers beware, it’ll get you thinking.

Who Feeds Us?

There were guests around on that day. Foreign Chinese young men and women who were attempting to befriend the people. They had done a short performance. They had made balloons for the children. They had sung a few songs for those who were watching.

And then it was the children’s turn to present a small something. They began to sing a short Christian song they had picked up from the volunteers who had been working with them for a while now.

One of the older women watching curtly interrupted them. “Why are you singing Christian songs? Stop it. Sing something else.”

A boy turned and retorted, “Who feeds me? You? Don’t tell me what to do.”

This short scene took place while the team was in the slums. While it may have seemed that it might have merely been an act of rebellion from the boy, it showed us much more. He had challenged authority. He made the choice to do what he thought was correct. He understood that no one else except the hand feeding him had control over his actions or his life.

Do we do the same? For the street people who have virtually nothing to their name, their goal in life is simple. To make the best of nothing. For people like us, who have seemingly improved our lives and culminated advancement into a world of material comfort, we seem to have everything. Yet we hanker after more, worrying everyday that what we have or what we do is never enough. We believe the control of our lives lies in our very hands, and that we can only rely on ourselves to survive and make decisions.

We forget who is in control. We forget who feeds us everyday. The One who is the reason why we can stand here today and be proud of our lives. Instead, hours are spent chasing after the world we love. Our choices are based on reasoning that we create for ourselves, and never on the dependence on the One who provides.

Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not more valuable than they? Matthew 6:26 (NIV)

The boy taught me an important thing that day. He had told me to reconsider who was in charge of my life. He had questioned why I was listening to voices of the world instead of the Voice of Truth. With nothing to his name, this boy understood that only the one who feeds him is to be followed. With so much in my life, I constantly forget the source of everything that brings me satisfaction.

Earlier in the year I made the choice to go to Jakarta. I wanted to be of service to the Lord. To be humbled in the presence of those who had less physically, but had more spiritually and mentally. I believed I would reap much more from my experiences than any effort that I would put in. I was right. The Lord blessed all of us much from this trip, showing us much more than we thought we would ever see, hear or smell. Each and every incident seemed to be a lesson given by God.

This particular event showed me how much I had lost track of the priorities in life. For a young student like me, I had everything before me. I could choose to take any path that I wanted in life. Yet I was rudely brought back to reality by what transpired that day.

I cannot say that I have entirely put my focus back on serving the Lord as of now. Yet, through this trip, I have been deeply affected by the small lessons that have popped up along the way. Now I am more aware of what is important to me. Now I can firmly say that I will follow the one who feeds me. Now I can start throwing off the influences the world has placed on me.

If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in Him. 1 John 2:15b (NIV)

Ngiam XingYi

Febuary 2007

The Hollow Men

We are the hollow men
We are the stuffed men
Leaning together
Headpiece filled with straw. Alas!
Our dried voices, when
We whisper together
Are quiet and meaningless
As wind in dry grass
Or rats’ feet over broken glass
In our dry cellar

Shape without form, shade without colour,
Paralysed force, gesture without motion;

Those who have crossed
With direct eyes, to death’s other Kingdom
Remember us — if at all — not as lost
Violent souls, but only
As the hollow men
The stuffed men.

By T S Eliot, in the "Hollow Men"


Do you sometimes feel hollow? Do you feel that sometimes life seems mundane and meaningless - that there has to be something more? You wish to see beauty in form and shape; enchantment in the myriad shades of colour; purpose in the force of directed motion. I do.

I want to see meaning in this life. I want to give of my energies and efforts to a higher purpose, to a higher cause. I want to bleed for a significant cause; to give my life to a higher love. I'm tired of this hollow, mundane living. I want to see awe and wonder, of a living eternal God at work in every situation, every moment and every person. I want to see the beauty of a life lived for Jesus; I want to see the enchantment in discovering the myriad expression of Love for Christ; I want to see the purpose of His Kingdom come.

I'm homesick. I'm waiting...

I still believe that life has a plot the way a novel has a plot - that events are somehow leading somewhere...

And those who have crossed over, the cloud of witnesses are whispering to me, "Get up, get up and finish the race. Come and take your place."


Ollie
February 2007

A Prefect Fool

Inspection stickers used to have printed on the back "Drive carefully - the life you save may be your own." That is the wisdom of men in a nutshell.

What God says, on the other hand, is "The life you save is the life you lose." In other words, the life you clutch, hoard, guard, and play safe with is in the end a life worth little to anybody, including yourself, and only a life given away for love's sake is a life worth living. To bring his point home, God shows us a man who gave his life away to the extent of dying a national disgrace without a penny in the bank or a friend to his name. In terms of men's wisdom, he was a Prefect Fool, and anybody who thinks he can follow him without making something like the same kind of a fool of himself is labouring under not a cross but a delusion.

Federick Buechner in Wishful Thinking (New York; Harper and Row, 1973), 28.

To be Let Down by People

Have you ever been let down by people? To have a promise broken by a friend? To be disappointed by leaders? To be jaded by once "heroes"?

You always think that people should know better; or that as mature adults they should discern the better way. However, life often do not work out that way. The evidence at large points to people being messy, ill-informed and stubborn. Sometimes they are unaware or ignorant of the hurt, pain and confusion they are causing; other times they simply do not care, insisting on their way no matter what it may cause.

It is times like this when I'm disappointed and quick to judge and react that I'm reminded of a story about Corrie Ten Bloom.

A story was told of Corrie and her sister when they were locked in a Nazi prison camp during world war II. A prison guard was mercilessly beating on his sister. Corrie seethed with rage at the ill-treatment to her sister and in her heart she hated the guard. She wished him evil and wanted to seek revenge for the hurt and pain caused to her sister and herself.

Then a voice spoke in her heart; it was as God spoke through the fog of anger and bitterness. The still small voice said, "Corrie, there is a Nazi in you as well." It broke Corrie and convinced her that she too was capable of these atrocities; she too could have been a Nazi. She chose to show grace and forgive her captor.

We too could also choose to show grace to the people who let us down, for we too would also have let others down. We are all sinners. Showing grace and forgiveness would bring healing and free the space for reconciliation. For we all have the propensity to harbour a "Nazi" within; it is the unmerited grace of Jesus that frees us; brings healing; and reconciliation.

Ollie
February 2007

Shirt collar buttons; that ill-fitted feeling and other ramblings

I had to wear a tie today.

I wore a tie as I was supposed to co-chair the second service in church today with Hee Kiat. So it was one of those rare few occasions I wore a tie and tried to look presentable. Most time I’m content to look grungy, thinking that it’s the heart that matters, not looks. I wore a tie, long sleeve shirt and pants and received some compliments. Little did they know I had spent five to ten minutes struggling in the morning trying to button the top-most shirt collar button.

I suppose the collar was too small or rather my neck too thick for it to button properly. I had that ill-fitted feeling; the feeling that I’m one size too big for my clothes. Do you often have that feeling? The feeling of not fitting-in; of being left out; of being the at odds with the world? It leaves you with a sense of disappointment; of loneliness and self-pity. And just to fit in, you feel tempted to do anything to conform – to join your friends in drinking and smoking; to indulge in lewd conversations and to while away the time doing meaningless things. Even if we do not do things that are consciously wrong; we may still fall prey to conforming to the mundane and mediocre in order to fit in. Thinking that if we stifled the distinctiveness within, people will accept us. In the process, you lose your uniqueness. Sometimes even in a cultural christian environment you are also pressured to conform – to behave and conform to culturally accepted norms.

It is during my time of struggles that I remember the following:

“You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother’s womb. Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous. (Psalms 139:16 NLT)

God says I’m unique.

“As I was with Moses, so I will be with you; I will never leave you nor forsake you” (Joshua 1:5b NLT)

God says He will never leave me nor forsake me.

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” (Jeremiah 29:11 NLT)

God says He has a unique plan for me and my future.

And we are not supposed to “fit in” in this world anyway. We are meant for something more.

Maybe I should just buy a shirt one size bigger. Then I need not ramble on about being ill-fitted.

Ollie

January 2007

Prayer Meeting?

“Sweet hour of prayer! sweet hour of prayer!
That calls me from a world of care,
And bids me at my Father’s throne…”

I do not profess to be a mighty pray-er; I often struggle in prayer; but I do know that prayer is also intensely personal. It is when individually we come before the Father’s throne just as we are, to spend time and make space for conversation.

It is ironic that we sang “Sweet hour of prayer” at the start of the service, when the other events in the prayer meeting took 1 hour 45 minutes and the prayer 15 – 20 minutes per group. 20 minutes divided by 4 people, that is 5 minutes each in prayer. No wonder, many people in church say they do not really know how to pray. We learn prayer by praying, by spending time with the heart inclined to God and by listening. We learn to pray by exploring the myriad diversity of prayer forms and styles our Christian heritage has left us – learning from the Desert Fathers, the contemplative monks and the pious reformers and the puritans. By doing so, our prayer life grows richer, the roots of Faith grow deeper, and we become people of substance. This does not occur with 1 hr 45 minutes of teaching, sharing and congregational singing and 20 minutes in prayer.

I am for good teaching on prayer; for sharing to testify of God’s goodness and for encouragement; and for singing to praise God. They are good but on their own, they are incomplete for a prayer meeting. 25 minutes of singing hymns; 25 minutes of a person teaching on prayer; and 20 minutes of sharing of the goodness of God. These are good and edifying but impersonal. We engage with these events from a distance. There is a need to pray personal, participatory and experiential prayers; to draw close to the Father’s throne. This comes only when we make time and space to do so – 20 minutes per group or 5 minutes person is insufficient. I often need 10 – 15 minutes just to settle down from a busy day before I am disposed to praying. Having a same ritual or form of prayer allows people to be comfortable; but do we want people to be comfortable in prayer? Let us explore the riches of the prayer life of the saints who have gone before us; exploring the “Jesus” prayer; contemplative prayer, congregation praying aloud together aka “Korean or Indonesia Style” and prayer liturgy etc. Let’s be uncomfortable and be stretched for growth in our prayer life.

Are we as a church serious in prayer? I think the evidence at prayer meetings speaks for itself. Let us take prayer seriously – 7 days a week.

Ollie

January 2007

35 for a moment

The lyrics of the song “100 years” by Five for Fighting keeps ringing in my ears. I realized I’m 35 this year; I’m 35 for a moment. Time flies and the days go by.

“I'm 15 for a moment
Caught in between 10 and 20
And I'm just dreaming
Counting the ways to where you are

I'm 22 for a moment
She feels better than ever
And we're on fire
Making our way back from Mars

15 there's still time for you
Time to buy and time to lose
15, there's never a wish better than this
When you only got 100 years to live

I'm 33 for a moment
Still the man, but you see I'm a they
A kid on the way
A family on my mind

I'm 45 for a moment
The sea is high
And I'm heading into a crisis
Chasing the years of my life

15 there's still time for you
Time to buy, Time to lose yourself
Within a morning star

15 I'm all right with you
15, there's never a wish better than this
When you only got 100 years to live

Half time goes by
Suddenly you're wise
Another blink of an eye
67 is gone
The sun is getting high
We're moving on...

I'm 99 for a moment
Dying for just another moment
And I'm just dreaming
Counting the ways to where you are

15 there's still time for you
22 I feel her too
33 you're on your way
Every day's a new day...

15 there's still time for you
Time to buy and time to choose
Hey 15, there's never a wish better than this
When you only got 100 years to live”

(100 Years – Five for Fighting)

Time flies and the days go by. I sometimes feel that life is slipping me by.

Then I remember “time” for the Jews in Jesus time had two meanings. “Chronos” time and “Kairos” time. “Chronos” time is chronological time while “Kairos” means significant moments. Moses wandering in the desert for 40 years is “chronos” time; a span of forty years that pass and can never be re-lived. Moses receiving the 10 commandments on Mount Sinai and encountering the “Skekinah” glory of God’s presence, that’s “Kairos” time.

I’m 35 this year; I’m 35 for a moment. Though times flies and the days go by and life is slipping me by, I still pray that my 35^th year will be one filled with many “Kairos” moments.

Ollie

January 2007

Aragorn before the Black Gate

Orcs pour out of the Black Gate. Aragorn addresses an unsettled army of men.

Aragorn: “Hold your ground! Hold your ground.”

Aragorn: "Sons of Gondor! Of Rohan! My brothers! I see in your eyes the same fear that would take the heart of me."

Aragorn: "A day may come when the courage of Men fails, when we forsake our friends, and break all bonds of fellowship, but it is not this day."

Aragorn: "An hour of wolves and shattered shields when the Age of Men comes crashing down, but it is not this day! This day we fight!"

Aragorn: "By all that you hold dear on this good earth, I bid you stand, Men of the West!"

Aragorn (serenely): "For Frodo."

[Waving his sword, Aragorn runs towards the orcs, yelling.]

Courage is not an absence of fear. It is the embracing of that fear and overcoming it with a higher calling, a higher cause - for loved ones, for friends and fellowship, for those who come after us, for the Gospel, for Jesus.

I am convinced that besides the hope that comes only through Jesus; the other greatest need of the world is courageous leadership. We need men who will walk before us, take the charge to point us in the right direction, bleed for a higher cause, to inspire us to move beyond ourselves and aspire to fulfill the calling God has called us to.

Boldness is contagious. It just takes one person.

May each of us courageously lead the life God has called us to.

Ollie

January 2007

Ramblings and Reflections on the Challenge of Leadership

The following was an e-mail first sent to the Missions 06: Indonesia Team on 2 Jan 07 sharing reflections of the lessons learnt from the Mission Trip to Indonesia from 13 to 20 Dec 06.

Ramblings and Reflections on the Challenge of Leadership

Hi all,

I've had many thoughts and feelings on this mission trip; I'm still thinking and processing the many lessons learnt.

One of the struggles I had this year was that of a calling to "lead". I've always been a reluctant leader even when I'm placed in position of Leadership. I rather be in the background, to be one of the guys, to not rock the status quo.

So when I was placed in position of team leader this year, it was with much fear and trembling that I step up to the role. I had to struggle with why I was reluctant. It was not so much that I was unable or unwilling, but it was that I was afraid. Afraid of failure; afraid of how it would change me; afraid of the criticisms and conflict that would naturally arise.

I was contented to watch from the sidelines; when you never really try, you would never really fail. I was afraid that when I really tried I would face failure.

I was contented to do my own thing; lead my own life. When you are called to leadership, you are called to commitment, you have to think beyond yourself to the greater good, you are called to change and grow as the role and responsibilities demanded. I was afraid of changing and of the pride that comes with power.

I was contented with just getting along with everybody and with not evoking emotions. When you are called to leadership you have to push boundaries; you do not just do things to make people happy, you need to do the right things, the things you think God would want. You have to influence people to change and grow, to stretch and go beyond their individual comfort zones. In the process, there will be some individuals that will resist and be unhappy; there will be some that will oppose and criticize. I was afraid of the unhappiness of people and the criticism that will inevitably come.

I am still learning and processing the thoughts and feelings from the mission trip. I write not because I have the answers; I write because in the process of writing, I think, I articulate my thoughts and feelings, and I pray God speaks to me through them. I'm still learning what it means to lead – that in my fears, weakness and failure comes grace to lead; that in my struggle with change comes the grace to grow and lead with humility; that in the midst of unhappiness and criticism comes the grace-gifts of peace and the strength of conviction as I seek to do the right thing for Jesus. After all, I'm not prefect, I'm still walking and growing on the way of Christ; and I thank God for his grace.

Hmmm... folks I think that's all. Thanks for listening to my ramblings.

And yes...

May you come to understand fully the grace of God through faith in Christ Jesus; may you experience grace more and more this year.

God bless and have a blessed New Year,

Ollie

January 2007

P.S. I'm sitting at a Starbucks in Suntec as I write this. I'm enjoying a flavourful nutty Christmas blend. :)

Humble and hearty lovers

My grievance with contemporary society is with its decrepitude. There are few towering pleasures to allure me, almost no beauty to bewitch me, nothing erotic to arouse me, no intellectual circles or positions to challenge or provoke me, no burgeoning philosophies or theologies and no new art to catch my attention or engage my mind, no arousing political, social or religious movements to stimulate or excite me. There are no free men to lead me. No saints to inspire me. No sinners sinful enough to either impress me or share my plight. No one human enough to validate the ‘going’ lifestyle. It is hard to linger in that dull world without being dulled.

I stake the future on the few humble and hearty lovers who seek God passionately in the marvelous, messy world of redeemed and related realities that lie in front of our noses.

William McNamara quoted by Eugene H Peterson in “Run with the Horses”

Of missing wisdom tooth and dental floss

My jaw hurts.

I finally had the last of my wisdom tooth removed yesterday evening and it still hurts. It is not a sharp pain, but a throbbing, numbing dull pain. It’s like a thorn in the flesh, the kind that is not debilitating but still irritates loads.

It took two injections of local anesthesia and ten minutes of tugging and pulling to remove it. Ten long minutes…. Ten minutes of white knuckles gripping the armrest and averting my eyes before the tooth was extracted. Ten minutes of desperate thoughts and prayers. Of remembering the difficulties experienced in extraction of the previous three wisdom teeth. “Strong roots,” the dentist had said, “Your tooth is anchored firmly in your jaw.” He continued to tug away, from one angle to another. I could feel the tooth inched out excruciating bit by bit.

“Why did I agree to take out the tooth?” I thought, “After all there’s no cavity, it could wait.” It’s was on the dentist advice that I decided to take the last wisdom tooth out. With the lower wisdom tooth removed, my tooth had no use; and with the difficulty in cleaning the backmost tooth, it was slowly turning grimy and dirty. In time with gradual accumulation of bacteria, a cavity will form and infection will set in. Ignore it long enough and it will lead to a full-blown cavity and increased pain. The rot might even set into the surrounding molars. The choice was presented to me, either bear with the pain now and remove it or faced even worse pain and greater infection if I continued to ignore it. The decision was made and my jaw now hurts.

I thought this was much like the inner life. You can ignore some area of your inner life – making time and space for God, setting time aside for rest, or making priority for significant relationships, and life will appear fine for a while. Then the cracks accumulate, a rot will form and things fall apart. Better we bear the lesser pain of discomfort if we deal with it now, then wait till the deep-seated infection to set in. Better that we act with discipline now then continue to ignore it and face deeper hurts and pain later.

The dentist after ten minutes of tugging managed to remove my wisdom tooth. He gave me pain-killers and anti-biotics which I gratefully took. On leaving, he said, “remember maintain oral hygiene and diligently floss your teeth!”

Ollie

Jan 2007

Wide Awake and Not Alone

I like rain.

I like the melancholic grey skies, the half-light that causes shadow-play on the canvas of the landscape. I like the smells that precede a downpour; the mix of earthy scents with hints of moisture. I like the sudden pause, an expectant hush before the first drops of rain fall. I like the cool droplets of water on the skin; the refreshing feel as it evaporates. I like the timbre of water droplets falling on roof-tops and car-tops; the sounding of many little drums as it welcomes the rain. I like the promise that rain brings - the promise of refreshing and renewal.

Maybe this explains my sudden burst of blogging as the rains of the past few weeks in Singapore set me in a pensive, thinking and reflective mood, ideal for writing and journaling.

I like coffee.

I like the aroma of coffee beans being ground, promising the delights of drinking a well brewed cup. I like the colour of the brew; the deep black hinting at the complexity of each sip. I like the bouquet preceding the moment of drinking; that evokes the senses, a faint memory of the place of origin of coffee bean harvest. I enjoy the robust body and acidity on the tongue as the coffee swirls in the mouth. I enjoy the after taste of each mouthful; the hints of earth, chocolates, fruits and exotic spices that arises. I like the company of people who enjoys coffee, knowing our common need for a caffeine fix, the acknowledgement that we are not perfect. I like the company of imperfect saints.

Maybe that explains my predilections for gatherings with close friends around a cup of coffee at a coffee place. I like the conversations among imperfect followers of the way of Jesus who knows that they are sinners but for the grace of God.

I like rain; I like coffee. I thank God for common graces like these.

Ollie

Jan 2007