I am pensive and reflective; I always get this way over the first few days of the New Year. Inspired by a friend's "Customary (long) New Year Note", I decided to pen down some of my reflections and thoughts as I say goodbye to 2008 and hello to 2009 - recording what I learnt about God and His ways; about myself and what I'm thankful for.2008 appeared to have gone by faster than what I remember of the years before. It could be because of the added responsibilities I had in my local church which took up a sizable amount of my time outside of work; or it could be that as one age, you do not remember details as well so time seems to compress to few key moments; or it could be simply because I had so much fun being involved in a leadership capacity in the Youth Ministry in Grace Baptist Church.
Nevertheless, I remember vividly some insights learnt about God and His Ways. Firstly, I learnt that God is Sovereign and Good. There were so many experiences this year where He demonstrated this aspect of His character again and again - ranging from working in ways to provide me a wonderful visit to Southern Baptist Theological Seminary, to my amazing trip to Capitol Hill Baptist Church to even the unexpected blessings during the Youth Camp in December. Secondly, I learnt that the Gospel is the start, the end, and the whole of Christian Faith and Life, that you never never never grow beyond the need of the Gospel. I've learnt from Jerry Bridges, John Piper and CJ Mahaney the essentials of "Preaching the Gospel to myself daily". I've also seen in the Youth Camp how when faithful teaching and preaching of the Gospel occurs, it has a transformative effect - from a conversion of someone unexpected, to a change in the spirit and posture of the camp participants - they really grew to love one another in truth. Finally, I learnt that the way God works is when we get back to what is basic and foundational - to faithfully declare the Gospel, to dig into His Word and to go on our knees to pray. The latest market-driven church "programme" may generate some excitement, but growth occurs when the main thing is kept the main thing and when focus is given to the ordinary means of grace of reading, studying and meditating on God's Word and Prayer.
Affirming what John Calvin said in his "Institute of Christian Religion", as I discovered and understand God and His ways better, I also understood myself better. I discovered that I am still prideful; though not obvious in a outward posture or attitude but inside I am proud. My critical thoughts of others; my thinking my ways and methods are better or right; or my glorying in myself when Glory should be due to God alone. I discovered that Pride will rear his head when least expected, and the battle against it is constant. At these times, I remember what was said that "Pride is stealing the Glory that is due to God for oneself" and I repent. I realised that I am still weak - I struggle on occasions with loneliness yearning for deep connections and relationships; and I remind myself what Augustine said, "Our hearts are restless till we find our rest in You," and I turn to pursue God. I struggle with regrets about past hurts, things done, things not done; and I remember Joel 2:25 "I will restore to you the years that the swarming locust has eaten, the hopper, the destroyer, and the cutter, my great army, which I sent among you.". God will restore what I lost to mistakes and sin in the past. I struggle with walking in faith and with doubts; I find it a struggle to rely on God's providence; and I remember Faith is spelt R.I.S.K. I struggle with bitterness; I find it hard to forgive others and easy to cling on to the offence caused to me in the past. And I understand that I still need to remember the Gospel daily and to preach it to myself - I have been forgiven much and I need to learn to forgive. Lastly, I discovered I am not cool nor emergent; rather I am drawn to the historical reformed and puritan faith and practice. I find that in them, the Gospel and truth is expressed most clearly, and these Men of Faith who have gone before us exhibit depth, conviction and passion. Give me Spurgeon or Calvin or those who follow in their footsteps like John Piper or Jerry Bridges any day over the latest glossy, stylish emergent literature. I looked like a Generation "X"; I use tools like the Generation "Y"; but the influence on my Christian Faith and Practice is more 16th and 17th century historical reformed than hip 21st century. So I supposed I'm neither hip nor cool.
And yet, I am thankful for 2008 for the many blessings and graces. For the acceptance of my application to Southern Seminary and the privilege of starting studies in late January. For a supportive family and friends. For the joy and privilege of serving in the Youth Ministry the past year. For friends and partners in the youth ministry at Grace Baptist Church - Toshi, Sarah, Jiamin, Sam Beh, Ken Poon, Debo Yap, Xingi and Bibianna (or Bibs :) ) and many others - for believing in me, for supporting me, for following me and for trusting in the dream that the Youth Ministry can be more than it is now. The dream that the youths in Grace Baptist Church can be Gospel-centred, grow to be more Christlike, be more passionate in the worship of God; to be more loving to one another; and to make an impact for God's Kingdom.
Looking back to 2008 gives me the courage to look forward to 2009; cause I know God is there and He is not done with me. Even though I've mixed feelings of anticipation of going to Southern Seminary for studies and sadness as I leave family and dear friends, I can look forward to the friendship of my "Best" friend, as I seek again to follow His call in 2009, looking forward to the day when I meet Him and He says, "Well done, good and faithful servant."
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Grace and Peace
Ollie
Jan 2009
P.S. Please remember me in prayer for the following:
1. For my mother and brother as I leave for studies in the USA; pray for their health and well-being and Christlike growth as their adjust to not having me around;
2, For the youth leaders and my friends in the Youth Ministry - Toshi, Sarah, Jiamin, Sam Beh, Ken Poon, Debo Yap, Xingyi and Bibs - pray that God will continue to draw them into a deepening living relationship and to enable them to lead and serve the youths.
3. For the youths in Grace Baptist Church (Sze-ern, Kenneth and Rachel, Nic, Kevin, Stacy, Gideon, Hannah, Jean, Shawna, Jie-Kai, Kiyoko, Tania, Jon Wee etc. too many to mention); pray that they would grow in knowledge and understanding of the Gospel and that they would love rightly, discern rightly and live rightly; and
4. For myself as I transit to studies in Southern Seminary; pray for a time of drawing close to God, of growing in wisdom, discernment and understanding, and of good equipping to be better able to serve the local body of Christ. Pray also for my health and fitness - that I would be more motivated to be healthier so that I'm better able to serve the young people in my church more effectively. Thank you!
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