Ramblings and Reflections on the Challenge of Leadership

The following was an e-mail first sent to the Missions 06: Indonesia Team on 2 Jan 07 sharing reflections of the lessons learnt from the Mission Trip to Indonesia from 13 to 20 Dec 06.

Ramblings and Reflections on the Challenge of Leadership

Hi all,

I've had many thoughts and feelings on this mission trip; I'm still thinking and processing the many lessons learnt.

One of the struggles I had this year was that of a calling to "lead". I've always been a reluctant leader even when I'm placed in position of Leadership. I rather be in the background, to be one of the guys, to not rock the status quo.

So when I was placed in position of team leader this year, it was with much fear and trembling that I step up to the role. I had to struggle with why I was reluctant. It was not so much that I was unable or unwilling, but it was that I was afraid. Afraid of failure; afraid of how it would change me; afraid of the criticisms and conflict that would naturally arise.

I was contented to watch from the sidelines; when you never really try, you would never really fail. I was afraid that when I really tried I would face failure.

I was contented to do my own thing; lead my own life. When you are called to leadership, you are called to commitment, you have to think beyond yourself to the greater good, you are called to change and grow as the role and responsibilities demanded. I was afraid of changing and of the pride that comes with power.

I was contented with just getting along with everybody and with not evoking emotions. When you are called to leadership you have to push boundaries; you do not just do things to make people happy, you need to do the right things, the things you think God would want. You have to influence people to change and grow, to stretch and go beyond their individual comfort zones. In the process, there will be some individuals that will resist and be unhappy; there will be some that will oppose and criticize. I was afraid of the unhappiness of people and the criticism that will inevitably come.

I am still learning and processing the thoughts and feelings from the mission trip. I write not because I have the answers; I write because in the process of writing, I think, I articulate my thoughts and feelings, and I pray God speaks to me through them. I'm still learning what it means to lead – that in my fears, weakness and failure comes grace to lead; that in my struggle with change comes the grace to grow and lead with humility; that in the midst of unhappiness and criticism comes the grace-gifts of peace and the strength of conviction as I seek to do the right thing for Jesus. After all, I'm not prefect, I'm still walking and growing on the way of Christ; and I thank God for his grace.

Hmmm... folks I think that's all. Thanks for listening to my ramblings.

And yes...

May you come to understand fully the grace of God through faith in Christ Jesus; may you experience grace more and more this year.

God bless and have a blessed New Year,

Ollie

January 2007

P.S. I'm sitting at a Starbucks in Suntec as I write this. I'm enjoying a flavourful nutty Christmas blend. :)